I'm so fucking centered right now
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Randomize