i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
