she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i love accidental penises.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Randomize
