I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
