I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
