I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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