smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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