You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
