i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
