She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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