Did you just see the Batmobile???
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
