I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
