was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
