why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
