Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
