You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize