but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
What a dumb baby whore.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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