I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
