This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
