God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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