During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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