i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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