"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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