You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Help me help you realize you are a moron
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
