I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
