Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
