I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
