You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The uberlube is also flammable
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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