so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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