If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
