I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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