is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
