The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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