i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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