yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
the day after is always just damage control
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
