Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
