I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
