I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
