so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
