No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
