Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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