I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize