I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
