My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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