She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
