some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
