Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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