I want to walk on stilts...naked
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
