Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
