but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
