the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
