I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
