he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Randomize
