I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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