I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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