Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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