i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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