If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
They are going to name an STD after you.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
