I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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