Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
