there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
