I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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