Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
