; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize