I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
We got so high we made milksteak
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
