I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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