you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
