i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She bit a glass in half.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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