Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
