Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
