On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize