What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
