He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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