before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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