would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize