So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
