1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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