Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
