you guys were way drunker than both of me
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
