I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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