Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
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