Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My dick has a subreddit
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
